Tuesday, 20 December 2011

How to Save Your Marriage On Your Own

One of the most common questions we encounter at savemymarriagetoday.com is this: how could one partner save their floundering marriage on their own? It is a typical enough story – one partner leaves, the other stays. One remains “in love”, the other is uncertain. Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart, the one person who remains bears the prospect, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving his or her marriage… ALONE.

In some of our minds, it stands to argue that since there are two people in this marriage, shouldn’t both of us be present to actually try and save it? Or, worse, it’s his, her, their fault so shouldn’t he, she, they be the ones to make amends? I am just the victim here, after all!

We are telling you right now – if you want to save your marriage and if you find yourself alone in this desire, the above will definitely not help you do it -- that type of talk is at the minimum, negative and at most, self-defeating! It propagates the belief that there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to save your marriage and you should just let it go down the drain. So not true. There is still something you CAN DO. Even in your loneliness and solitude, you CAN save your marriage.

How? Let’s begin first by examining what it means to be on your own.

As human beings, we hate being alone. After all, it’s part of our make up to be social creatures. In fact, babies develop very early on feelings of trust, companionship and parental support. If they don’t get these, say when they’re hungry we fail to feed them on time, or if they’re wet, we fail to change their diaper, humans develop fears of mistrust, abandonment and solitude. Unfortunately, we carry these fears with us as we get older.

The paradox is that as we grow older in the love, trust, companionship and support of our significant others, we develop an internal strength of self that makes us whole, happy human beings. Ideally, the mature human person should have developed a strong sense of self-awareness, confidence and self-esteem as he or she reaches adulthood. These become the windows with which we view the world, flaws and all. These make up part of our personal shelter amidst challenges and difficulties. This is called SELF-ACTUALIZATION.

However, many of us enter into adult life without even being aware of this beautiful, human truth. We may have experienced abandonment in our childhood or been disappointed by our romantic relationships; whatever it is, it has caused to shift from proper mature development to fears of abandonment and the inability to see that we can stand on our own two feet.

Thus, many of us enter relationships and marriages with the hope, plan and dream that we would never be alone. We invest so much on our partner, focusing our entire beings on them and relying on them to make us happy and secure. Unfortunately, this perspective carries with it its own poison. It’s as if we have blinders on all the time. When our partner indicates some form of dissatisfaction with the relationship, we panic. When our partner leaves, our fears kick in. When something goes wrong with our marriages, it is very easy for us to place the blame of the other person for having made us unhappy.

In order to save your marriage on your own, the key then is a paradigm shift, meaning, the key is to change your attitude and focus. Stop focusing on your partner - stop the blaming, stop the inaction. Take a good look at yourself. You can definitely NOT control your partner’s feelings, attitude and reactions but you can control your own.  You can go from fearing abandonment to actually taking responsibility for yourself and your own happiness. This is where the human truth about self-actualization comes in. Understand, adapt and internalize this for yourself. Learn it. It will spell the difference not just in your marriage but in YOU.

A whole human being is easy to love. A happy person attracts happiness. In starting with yourself, you can move from being an unhappy, clingy, difficult person to one who can provide an environment of safety, wisdom, trust and open communication. From hereon, dealing with your straying partner could even get easier – for you and for them. For all you know, you may just surprise each other.

Rather than beat yourself up in desperation, try these:

- Breathe
- Smile
- Let go
- Believe that reconnection is possible
- See a counselor for YOURSELF not just for your marriage
- Examine your part in contributing to the difficulties in your marriage
- Forgive yourself
- Change
- Look after your health, beauty and well-being

For all you know, your partner (and you) may just rediscover the person they first fell in love with and more. For all you know, this is the type of you that would allow your partner to come back and initiate communication. When that happens, you have every opportunity to sit down with him or her, discuss your motivations, plans and feelings. You can even get to the real issues surrounding your marital difficulties and actually begin taking positive steps to work them through.

In being open and mature, you can also provide an environment where love and intimacy can flourish once more. With all the confidence and sincerity you have gathered, take these steps. Plus one more. Even in your separation, conflict or difficulties, find it in you to continue loving your partner and showing him or her that you do. Through little, subtle acts, like preparing a snack for him or her or spending some quality TV time, you can rekindle love in your marriage. They don’t have to be grand gestures, they just have to be sincere. And coming from the mature, new you, they will.


This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today.

You may be making mistakes that will jeopardize your marriage recovery! My Save My Marriage Today course has helped save thousands of marriages and is guaranteed to deliver results or your money back.

You can't afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% - you need the BEST, PROVEN METHODS and information now! You have to learn what it takes to save your marriage. Get the whole package that gives you REAL results... guaranteed.

Click here and get this life-changing course.

Because your marriage deserves better!


Sunday, 4 December 2011

Communication Breakdown

It happens to the best of us. Communication is such a fickle thing, and the lines of communication can become blurred every so often, especially when feelings are involved. Even those who think that they are immune to the confusion of conflict can find themselves drawn into a communication breakdown when they least expect it, and chaos ensues.

This happened to me on the weekend, and until to be quite honest, it took me by surprise. Even those of us who are better equipped than many others are not immune. My partner told me something that really hurt my feelings, and I lashed back in defense. It was a silly argument, over something as simple as a misplaced bottle of aftershave. But to me, it represented something much deeper, that had been simmering away for a couple of weeks. I get frustrated at having to search for something when it is not where I expect it to be. Worse still when my partner has shifted it and I don’t know the first place to begin searching.

Aftershave, needles and thread, car keys, a Tupperware container to store my baking soda in, covers for our outdoor chairs, all were examples of instances where I had to turn the house upside-down. A simple answer from my partner when these things were shifted would have saved me a lot of time and frustration. And the answer I got? "You need to open your eyes and organize yourself better"

I was gutted. When I come home from work I exercise the dog and cook dinner so that it is on the table by the time my partner gets home. The house is always spotless and warm, as I’m very conscious of coming home to a tidy environment. I see this as a fundamental part of my role in coming home first, and it takes a lot of my time. To imply that I have the time to "organize yourself better" really hurt.

I don’t expect praise, but I did hope that my efforts were recognized. I got told that "I don’t expect you to cook my dinner every night" was interpreted by me as ingratitude, and hurt me even more.

So where to from here? My partner felt guilty at coming home every night to the perfect household, whereas I felt guilty if it wasn’t perfect. It was never about me trying to make him feel guilty, but it seems it did. And this is where the communication fell down. He misinterpreted my efforts, and I misinterpreted his response.

Communication, communication, communication. I need for my partner to keep me informed of where things move to. I need to be informed. I need to voice my frustration before it gets to boiling point. We both need to talk about our feelings more, and how each of our contributions to our home and our relationship make us feel, and how we interpret each others contributions. It is not a competition, but for many couples it feels like it.

When people feel guilt or stress, it leads them to act funny ways. Often stress and guilt are barriers to communication. The key to overcoming them is to recognize what it is, and have the courage to talk about it. You might be able to do it as a couple, or you might want the help of a friend who can listen to the way you are communicating with each other and offer insights and advice.

We got it sorted out, and kissed and hugged. It wouldn’t hurt so much if I didn’t feel such love at the same time. But it served as a good reminder to me. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in your own emotions that you forget to think of the other person. You also need to entertain the possibility that you are misinterpreting each other. Talking about it is the way to expose the miscommunication and let the healing begin.

A good lesson to learn, even for the experts…


This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today.

You may be making mistakes that will jeopardize your marriage recovery! My Save My Marriage Today course has helped save thousands of marriages and is guaranteed to deliver results or your money back.

You can’t afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% - you need the BEST information now! You have to learn what it takes to save your marriage. Get the whole package that gives you REAL results ... guaranteed.

You have to go to Save My Marriage Today and get my course.

Because your marriage deserves better!


Friday, 21 October 2011

How to Have a Great Marriage

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

The wedding is over and so is the excitement of planning the wedding. Soon you will be settling in to married life. Having the perfect marriage is a mix of compromise and honesty, not subservient behavior.


  1. Be yourself from the start of any relationship. If you begin the relationship by putting on the front of a perfect hybrid version of you and some sort of Stepford wife, what happens when the cracks begin to show? Be yourself from day one, and your spouse will have proven that you are accepted and loved for who you really are, not who you are pretending to be.
  2. Exercise your sense of humor. A good, stout sense of humor is indispensable for a great marriage. Try to see the humor in difficult situations, it'll help you both roll with tough times much better.
  3. Forgive, forgive, forgive. The three most important words for a good marriage.
  4. Give each other the benefit of any doubts. You have built a relationship based on trust. Don't assume that your spouse is doing things for the purpose of irritating you - maybe s/he just doesn't realize something s/he does is bothering you. Let your spouse know about things that bother you without assuming the worst of him or her, and once it's out in the open give your mate time to make adjustments and corrections.
  5. Try to let the little annoyances go. Ask yourself if something irritating you is really worth fighting over. Is something wrong, or is it just different from the way you would do it? Allow differences to go by without comment. If something is really bothering you, talk about it in a non-accusatory way, and see if you can work it out without arguing.
  6. Find ways to share responsibility. If you're both working 80 hours a week, why should the wife still have to do all the cooking and cleaning? Try to find a mix of jobs you both do better, e.g. dishes and lawn mowing, and share responsibility. Find ways of creating a routine that involves everyone, i.e.: “If you take the bins out, I’ll bring them in", “You wash, I’ll dry", etc. This will avoid the nagging housewife syndrome. Remember, you will be living together forever( til death do you part) - save some for tomorrow. The world won't come to an end if you don't finish all the laundry today.
  7. Make time to sit down together once a day and share time together. Even if it's only 10 minutes before bed, talk, cuddle, and share each other’s company.
  8. Don’t expect perfection. Remember, your spouse is human, and so are you. Make allowances for the human condition: tired, overworked, over-stressed, family illnesses, personal illnesses, and simple frailty.
  9. Do something nice for your partner during a rough patch. Cold shouldering or constant arguing about a contentious issue will likely just drive you apart. A thoughtful gesture can go a long way in helping you feel closer to each other, making it that much more likely that you will work through your problems. This works especially well if you feel like your partner does not compliment or do nice things for you often any more. Start complimenting them and make it a point to be nice -- they'll WANT to do something nice for you!
  10. Try to find something nice about your partner every day, and say it to them! Whether it's a compliment on his/her outfit or a thank you for just taking out the trash, it always feels good to get a little boost from the person you love. And you'll feel good doing the boosting.
  11. Learn from your mistakes. When you say "I'm Sorry", mean it! That means you won't repeat the action. Apologizing and then repeating the behavior shows your mate that you weren't that sorry after all, and it erodes trust over time.
  12. Keep no secrets, and avoid even the appearance of any hanky panky. Being transparent with your partner is important, because it shows you each trust one another with every detail of your lives. If you're harboring secrets, they will eventually be found out and that will spell trouble for your marriage. Keeping things clear and open prevents suspicion and jealousy. Don't do things to get a rise out of your spouse, and if someone at the office is hitting on you and won't stop, tell your boss about it and ask that one of you be transferred. If you maintain a clean appearance and an honest, open communication with your partner, you will be trusted when it's truly imperative.
  13. Remember that marriage is a nuts and bolts arrangement. While you're planning your wedding, you may entertain fairy-tale notions of a life lived happily ever after. The reality of marriage is that sometimes, it's just a day to day grind - one or both of you may be tense, on edge, bored, not happy with the other one, not feel so warm and fuzzy. It's not all about your feelings. Repeat: it is not all about your feelings. It's about your commitment to one another. Whether or not you "feel" like you're in love, "feel" you're getting your needs met, or whatever, the reality is, you have sworn a vow to one another. A lot of the time, marriage isn't romantic at all - it's about teamwork and getting the job done every single day.
  14. Plan for down times. You will have much less stress to deal with if you work together to plan a budget, accumulate at least a small savings account ($500 emergency fund can work wonders), and prepare for the times when things go wrong, life will be much smoother.
  15. Act like everything's okay. If you're having a rough patch, feeling like you just can't remember what attracted you to him in the first place, wondering what possessed you to marry her... just smile and behave yourself in a kind, genteel way. Act like everything is normal. In fact, go out of your way to be kind, thoughtful, and caring toward your mate. It may sound weird, but if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and act like nothing's wrong, eventually, everything really will be normal, okay, and even better.
  16. Don't be afraid to go to bed angry. A lot of well-meaning people say that you shouldn't let the sun set on a fight. But it's far better to simply come to a point in the argument where you can stop fighting actively and sleep on it. Instead of continuing an argument that is escalating out of control and going in circles, stopping, resting, and waking refreshed can give you new perspective, and help you come to a better and more satisfying resolution than just fighting it out until you're both battered, bloody, and after you've said things you can never take back. Sleeping on it will also help you allow residual negative feelings to dissipate - you don't always just say, "Okay, that's it, argument over," and return to those warm, loving feelings - sometimes resentment lingers awhile. Let it go - get some rest. You'll both feel better in the morning.
  17. Ask yourself what you can do today to make your spouse's life happier. By finding one way each day to make your partner's life just a little bit nicer, you will never forget that you truly do care for him or her. Doing nice things for your mate makes you think nice thoughts about him or her. It's a good habit.
  18. Kiss your spouse for at least 5 seconds before you leave in the morning and before going to bed at night.
  19. Say thank you for the little things (doing the dishes, clearing the table, putting a new roll of toilet paper out, and do these things WITHOUT expectations).
  20. Compliment each other every day. It doesn't take much to make your spouse feel good. Be sincere and when you're given a compliment, even if you don't agree, just say "thank you."
  21. Hug and hold hands often, daily.
  22. Shut up and listen! You do much more learning with your mouth closed and your mind open. You have one mouth and two ears so you can listen twice as much as you talk.
  23. Argue softly. How you say things can have a larger impact that what you say. Remain calm and speak in a normal tone of voice.
  24. Be cautious and think before you choose the words you use. Before you speak ask yourself this: if you or your spouse died that moment, would you want what you are about to say to be the last words you shared?
  25. At least once a month, have a special evening out with another married couple so you can laugh and learn from each others relationship. Have at least one romantic night out per month and bring the romance home with you!
  26. Take a class together. There are some restaurants that will teach you how to make a meal from start to finish or you can both learn to play a musical instrument. It's a great way to spend time together and see how each other learns.
  27. Take turns making decisions. It's no fun when someone asks you for your opinion and you say, "whatever you want." If all they wanted was what they wanted, they wouldn't have asked you. Be polite and give a complete and honest answer.
  28. Exercise together. Being healthy and taking care of yourself shows your partner that you want to be around for a long time and will be able to care for them if they get ill.
  29. Appreciate your partner's strengths as well as their weaknesses. They chose to be with you because there are aspects of your personality that they can learn from and absorb. Show them how much you love them by being supportive when they are weak and proud when they are strong. Listen to what they say, you may learn something.
  30. Do the little things (see number 2). Waking up to a hot cup of coffee or an ironed shirt, or coming home to lit candles are little ways to show that you care.
  31. Show appreciation and don't ever take him/her for granted or you will miss him/her when they're gone!
  32. Laugh at the little mistakes in life, hold the drama for major crisis! Don't make an issue of the "toothpaste tube", laugh at the small nuisances and you will be a happier person for it!
  33. Accept responsibility for your actions and choices. Be honest in all aspects of your relationship. If you have not been, start now!
  34. Go dancing with your spouse on weekends, it's great exercise and fun. If you can't dance then take a lesson together and learn a dance to enjoy with each other.
  35. Go on a walk together. The exercise is not only good for your physical health, it gets the blood pumping through your brains and helps you think more clearly. The views and smells of nature will help relax both of you. The clear minds and the soothing affects will create a great environment to be open and honest and talk about everything.


  • Try a "Sunday night roundup". Go to bed earlier on a Sunday, and sit up and talk about the weekend, and what you both have coming up next week. It’s a great way to really catch up.
  • Also try making Monday evenings a standard to spend time together as a family. Round up the kids and share an uplifting message, and end with some treats.
  • Go on a date once a week! Take your wife on a date every Friday or Saturday. This gives you time away from the kids, and some quality one on one time together.
  • Read "The Good Marriage Guide" by a chap John Farrelly in Ireland, it is excellent!


  • Make sure you have a really clear, open plan involving the finances. Many people have difficulty in their marriage due to money issues.
  • Avoid being overly critical or defensive. If you are arguing and your spouse makes a gesture to end the argument through humor or apology, try to take it. You can always talk through the issue when you are calmer.

Related wikiHows

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Have a Great Marriage. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.


Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Stop Divorce! Save Your Marriage Today

Is your marriage in trouble? Were you hoping that you might find something on this site that would help you realize what is happening, solve the problem and get things 'back to normal' again? Or do you want your relationship to be even better than before, better than you ever thought possible? Do you feel like your only choice is between accepting things as they are now, no matter how bad they get, or leaving your partner?
If your wish is to save your marriage, then you have come to the right place.

It's quite possible that you're making critical mistakes in your attempts to save your marriage without even knowing it! It's not your fault, you just may not always receive the best advice from others. Forget the theories and ideas you have heard that aren't working.
But don't give up on your marriage! No matter what kind of problems you are having, this information applies to you, and in virtually all cases, the results will surprise you. There is an alternative to divorce. In fact, you could soon be experiencing the relationship you've only dreamed about!

These secrets have been to work for hundreds of couples around the world. So what's the catch? You have to actually do it! Most people who fail, do so because they never take action because they fear it’s already too late or worry what their partner and others may think. They don't have the patience and passion to save their marriage. They give up and divorce like many other couples, rather than take on their marriage problems and achieve immediate results with these solutions
If you are fed up with your unhappy marriage, then rather than just complain about it, take action! Millions of people out there are living their entire live either in a miserable marriage or divorced. Don't be one of them!